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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Loneliness
An Essay on Loneliness in the World
By Jennifer Carroll
Pine Point School
English
11/18/10

(TS) Loneliness is a common, yet terrible thing to have. (CM) It affects the mind, making the victim sad and desolate, like they are removed from the place where they want most desperately to be. (CM) They succumb to isolation and, believing themselves to be utterly alone, spend a good part of their time unhappy and miserable. (CS) Dill and my grandfather are just two cases of loneliness in the world, but they are the two that you will read about and hopefully, leave you with a better understanding of a human being in this state of loneliness.
(TS) An example of utter loneliness would have to be Dill, the tiny outcast in To Kill a Mockingbird. (CM) He has had the misfortune to be born to a mother who seems entirely focused on herself and not her young son, and he has no friends other than Scout and Jem due to being bounced from relative to relative over the years. (CM) He is so small, so fragile with his "wispy, light blond hair, like duck fluff," and yet he has the enormous burden of isolation resting on his slight shoulders. (SD) Dill is always alone, abandoned in his town, where his only family is either dead or paying attention to other, "more important" things. (CM) His mother, who has just remarried to Dill's new stepfather, is always off frolicking in the joys of married life, and has no time to spare for her little boy. (CM) His father dead, and with no siblings or close friends, the only question to ponder is why he waited so long before escaping from the cruelest prison of all- the cold embrace of solitude. (SD) He explains to Scout that his mother and stepfather love him, ( he is flesh and blood after all) but for the glaring fact that they cannot spare him a second of affection while leading their own busy lives. (CM) As he said, ""The thing is, what I'm trying to say is- they do get on better without me, I can't help them any". (CM) He leads his life, forever lonesome, until he snaps and makes a break for sweet affection and freedom, and who can blame him? (CS) Everybody needs love; it's like food, and if you don't get enough, you starve and wither away until not a shred of yourself is left whole and hearty.
(TS) My grandfather, an old man of 89, is a perfect example of a lonely being. (CM) Day after day, he sits in his decrepit, squeaky chair, his forlorn figure illuminated by the weak sunlight streaming through his window. (CM) He used to be a talkative man, bold and outgoing in his prime, but as the years have passed and the seasons changed, he has retreated further and further into the depths of solitude. (SD) His wife, my grandmother, is his only company and his main caretaker, but they never talk anymore. (CM) My mother sometimes visits him, along with my uncles and their offspring, but his sad, dejected expression soon drives them away, fleeing from the overwhelming feel of depression and lonesomeness that lurks through his home and shows in his expression. (CM) To drop in on him is at your own risk; when he's not staring numbly down at his newspapers, he's sitting quietly; the only sound that fills the awkward silence is the mechanical squeak of rusting metal as he rocks back and forth. (CS) I only wish that I could say something, anything at all, to make his face light up again with remembrance and joy, like it is portrayed in old pictures from long ago, when he was a younger and happier man.
(TS) Loneliness is, as I now hope you understand, a serious predicament to all involved, whether it be the victim or their concerned friends and family. (CM) It attacks you from within, slowly choking your feeling of connection, of being loved until it withers and dies within you. (CM) If you feel lonely, the only thing you can do is go to a relatives or good friends house, because only kind human contact can rid you of that melancholy emotion for good. (CS) Loneliness is not something to be taken lightly.

Self Assessment: I think that I deserve an A- for this essay. I really like some of my writing here and feel that I've done a good job on details and keeping the essay graceful. I think that I need to work on polishing my essays more thoroughly though.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Outline: Loneliness

                                    


Main Point or Thesis of Essay: Loneliness
Bell word: Isolated

Paragraph 1 -- Opening
Hook: Loneliness is unavoidable
Comment on the hook: Even in biggest crowd, can still be lonely
Comment on the hook: Not only when alone
Thesis  (with bell word): Loneliness is a hyena, it pounces when you fall

Paragraph 2

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis): Dill’s loneliness
2 Echo words to be used: Abandoned, isolated

SD : Dill always lonely and abandoned
CM: Mom busy with new hubby
CM: No siblings or father

SD: Parents love you, no attention
CM: “ The thing is, what I’m trying to say is ---they do get on better without me, I can’t help them any.”
CM: Home isn’t home when no one’s really there.

SD: Dill can’t please parents
CM: “They buy me everything I want, but it’s now-you’ve-got-it-go-play-with-it.”
CM: He is isolated

Paragraph 3

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis): Why is loneliness so terrible?
2 Echo words to be used: Alone, forlorn
SD: Loneliness is like cancer
CM: You don’t know if it will leave, even if you do the treatment
CM: Getting rid of it doesn’t mean it won’t come back and consume you later

SD: Loneliness is awful
CM: Always alone, always unsure
CM: Burns can hurt your outside, being forlorn can kill your inside

SD: Medicine doesn’t make loneliness go away
CM: Doctors don’t heal the hurt
CM: No proven cure can help; it’s all up to you

CS: Loneliness is the worst disease a human can receive


Paragraph 4

Hook (the same as paragraph 1, or different): Everybody has felt lonely
Echo word (could be bell word): Friendless
Comment on the hook: It’s not something that only a few people get
Comment on the hook: Everyone has felt friendless at one time
Re-statement, in slightly different words, of the thesis: Being lonesome from time to time means that you’re still human

                                                      By Jenn

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Just for Fun: Haiku's


                                Japan's Favorite Type of Poem

The wind blows outside
Scattering dry leaves around
Up into the sky

Fly on silky wings
To far lands of love and peace
Sweet freedom, hard price

In the dark night sky
The glowing moon shines brightly
Down on sleeping heads

A dog growls blindly
A small thief stops stealthily
Dreading his parents

Bright butterfly wings
Carry my hopes to the sky
Float on gentle winds

Raging storms, dark clouds
Flashing lightning strikes dead trees
Lighting them on fire

Don’t blame your family
To try to help you they say
Shocking things sometimes

Punch, kick, strike back hard
Don’t get hit, you won’t get back up
You’re fighting for life

Pretty little girl
Rosy cheeks, bright eyes, soft hair
Stay young, as life’s hard

So many faces
Flash by in crazy blur
Welcome to the city

Handmade patchwork quilts
Cover a sick little boy
Pray he’ll get better

If God carries you
In times where you are troubled
Where are His footprints?

                                              By Jenn
                                                Growing Up

The words seem so easy.
They flow right off your tongue.
Grow up.
At first,
You dread it.
You cry and whine,
Say “I’ll never leave you!”
To your parents.
Shocked that they would even say such a thing.
In childish innocence,
You make life long vows.
Blood oaths,
Promises that won’t be kept.
Cross your heart,
And say goodbye.
When you’re older,
You can’t wait to leave.
Like Christmas morning,
You wait impatiently for what seems like forever,
Tolerating your parents,
Your siblings.
Holding in your mind,
All along,
Just three more years.
Two more years.
One more year.
Here.
In To Kill a Mockingbird,
As Jem gets older,
He has a shorter temper with Scout.
He won’t let her walk with him.
He acts superior.
Scout can’t make sense of it.
I can.
Who wants a little sister tagging at your heels?
Embarrassing you in front of friends,
Laughing too loud,
Asking dumb questions.
You’re a big boy now.
You don’t have time for a little girl.
A little sister,
A little worshiper.
Jem doesn’t throw her a crumb.
She absolutely loves him,
He’s just cranky and irritable.
She thinks they’re equals,
He knows they’re not.
She doesn’t understand him now,
He gives no reasons.
He’s better than her now.
He’s older,
Stronger,
Faster,
Smarter,
Scout’s just dead weight to him now.
He doesn’t play with babies.
When I was growing up,
I was thrilled to have an older sister.
I wasn’t so happy to have a twin brother.
He pulled my hair,
And never shared his candy.
My sister was cool and pretty.
She knew the answers to EVERYTHING!
She went to a different school and had tall friends.
She always ignored me when they were here,
I didn’t like them as much.
As I got older,
So did she.
She started closing the door to her room so I couldn’t go in,
She talked on the phone a lot,
She brought home boys for dinner.
They were always pimply and ugly.
She said words that I got yelled at for repeating and,
She wasn’t fun anymore.
I waited patiently for her to return.
I let her kick me out of her room.
If she got mad at Mom so did I.
I was patient.
Then she left.
At first I was in a state of shock.
Where did she go?
Why wasn’t she coming back?
I begged my parents to call the police.
She must have been kidnapped!
They shook off my concerns and laughed.
I couldn’t believe they could be so cruel.
I waited for days,
I counted the hours.
Every morning I woke up happy and excited,
Every night I went to bed sad.
Finally my mom explained to me that,
My sister had grown up.
She was at college learning.
She had left home.
She would visit and come on holidays.
But not stay forever.
I swore I would never leave.
Now all I can to do is wait.
Two more years,
One more year,
Here.




                                                                        By Jenn

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


                               Graphic Organizer
                                               
     Theme: Growing Up
                                           Bell Word: Quick

Paragraph One
            Hook: Kids grow up too fast
            CM: Watch too many violent movies
            CM: Listen to music with swears and violence
            Thesis: They become adults too quickly

Paragraph Two
            TS: Scout and Jem are forced to grow up rapidly
            2 Echo Words: Swift, hasty
            SD: Dad defending black person
            CM: Have to fight to defend him
            CM: Have to believe that he is doing the right thing

            SD: They are given lots of freedom
            CM: Get into trouble that ages them swiftly
CM: Play with toys that are dangerous for small children and so they are hastily taught to be careful

Paragraph Three
TS: I live in a world where kids do not stay sweet and naïve for long
2 Echo Words: Short time, suddenly
SD: Read a lot
CM: Became more aware of the world
CM: Saw and read about things that happened that were bad (racism, genocide)

SD: I had an older sister
CM: Suddenly she had boyfriends and swore
CM: Watched her life and started copying her at a young age

Concluding Paragraph
            Hook: Children stay children for a very short time
            Echo Word: High speed
            CM: Scout and Jem had to grow up at high speed
            CM: I did too
            Restatement of Thesis: Kids should be sheltered a little bit more

                                                                                    By Jennifer

                                        

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dead Shots and Long Falls
An Essay Regarding Atticus and My Parents Surprises
By Jennifer Carroll
 Pine Point School
8th Grade English
10/22/10

My parents, when they were younger, went skydiving in Arizona. I was stunned when I learned of this adventure in their lives. I never thought of my parents as people would even dare go to a Gucci store during a sale, let alone jump out of an airplane. I was shocked and a little happy that they weren’t boring people after all, and I think that this is what Jem and Scout must have been feeling when their dad proved that he wasn’t dull at all.
(TS) Atticus was never described as a dare devil in To Kill A Mockingbird. (CM) He was the solid, dependable, respectable lawyer who came home and read the night away. (CM) He was an old father, a good businessman, a decent pillar of the community…so why was he able to shoot a mad dog dead with just one bullet? (SD) Atticus seems to loath violence. (CM) His children never sport bruises or black eyes, no matter how much trouble they get into and when mad Tim Johnson comes alisting down the street, he is hesitant to kill the dog. (CM) Mockingbirds fly freely in his backyard and he even warns his children away from killing them when he hands them air rifles as Christmas presents. (SD) So imagine what a shock it must have been to poor Scout and Jem when their father turns out to have been nicknamed “Ole One Shot Finch”! (CM) Why, Atticus even “considered it a waste of ammunition when he fired 15 shots and hit 14 birds”. (CM) The only thing that I wonder now is, why did he stop killing things and when did “Ole One Shot Finch” begin to fade from memory? (CS) Atticus is a stubborn, smart and on top of things type of person and I think that the him described in this book could be his alter ego to his younger self.
(TS) I never thought of my parents as adventuresome, or even surprising people. (CM) They were simply Mom and Dad, who got up, slept, ate, went away and came back as much as the rest of us. (CM)  They were the typical American parents and I never really thought of them as daring or flabbergasting people. (SD) To find out that my mother and father had once gone sky diving was a lot like getting a slap in the face. (CM) My first thought was “Huh?” followed by “But they’re my parents!” (CM) I had never thought of them having lives before I was born, let alone dangerous, risk taking lives! (SD) Then I thought about how they must have been completely different people back then. (CM) They had only one child, they were younger than they are now and they still had a spark of verve in them. (CM) This was like their last adventure and I can’t be creeped out by that because I would want them to have happiness before me. (CS) My parents became considerably cooler when I discovered this good surprise about them.
Whether it’s my parents or Scouts father, the point is that all parents pull good surprises on their kids. Sky diving or shooting better then the U.S Army, it’s all the same in the eyes of a child as long as it’s cool. My parents went sky diving and I thought that was awesome, and Scout and Jem probably thought the same thing. Parents are great for pulling stunning facts out of nowhere that shock and amaze their kids, and that’s what both Atticus and my parents did to us.


            Self Assessment: I'm not certain about this essay. I have some good parts, for instance, my introduction paragraph, but also feel that I slack off a little in the end. It is very difficult for me to write a good concluding paragraph. I also think that I need to work on organization in my essays. I would give myself a C+ for this essay.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


      
Outline for 4-Paragraph Essay

Main Point or Thesis of Essay
Finding a Good Surprise About a Parent
Bell word Surprise

Paragraph 1 -- Opening
Hook One time, my parents went skydiving
Comment on the hook I was shocked when I unearthed this fact
Comment on the hook I always thought of my parents as people who would faint if a frog hopped in front of them
Thesis  (with bell word)
I was ecstatic that they were risk takers when they were younger and think that Scout and Jem are equally astounded
Paragraph 2

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis)
Jem and Scout discover that Atticus has a few bombshells to drop on them
2 Echo words to be used flabbergasted       
disbelief

SD Atticus was “Ole One Shot Finch”
CM Scout is flabbergasted
CM Her dad used to think it was “a waste of ammunition to spend more than 15 bullets on 15 birds”

SD Scout and Jem will never think their father is boring again
CM Atticus used to read all the time
CM Atticus shot a mad dog dead with one bullet and his kids are in a state of disbelief

CS Atticus is different from my initial view of him

                          
Paragraph 3

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis)
My parents went skydiving
2 Echo words to be used amazed   wonder   
SD My parents were very adventurous
CM I wonder what else they might have done
CM I think that it’s great that they had fun when they were younger

SD I am deathly afraid of heights and could never go skydiving
CM I am amazed at my parents courage
CM I am proud that they can say that they did something exciting now that we live in a typical suburban community

CS My parents are awesome


Paragraph 4

Hook (the same as paragraph 1, or different) My parents went skydiving
Echo word (could be bell word) shock
Comment on the hook To this day I am shocked that they did this
Comment on the hook They were crazy when they were younger
Re-statement, in slightly different words, of the thesis Atticus and my parents both have a few surprises that they hadn’t revealed to their children 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Freestyle Writing: The Full Moon

Sometime, when it is full and bright and glowing, glance up towards the moon and reflect upon it. Note how where the thin strands fall against the dark trees and branches, they look dusted in silver magic. How, when a wolf or dog howls towards it, at least one person around you will shiver involuntarily. How, the world seems to be a different place, more magical, mysterious and ancient under the soft light of a full moon. When I see a full moon, hanging ripe and heavy in the sky, like the last fruit hanging on the vine, my mind fills with muddled thoughts and rambling ideas that trail off into oblivion as soon as they have been thought. I see a powerful beauty, wrapped by a dark black coat speckled carelessly with diamonds that glitter without light. I see a crystal ball glowing with secrets, nestled on an inky tablecloth with shards of glass sprinkled around. I see a milky eye looking down at the sleeping world in an ebony face that shines with the ebbing light of old age. I see a ripped and punctured cloth devoid of light except for the tears that shine white and clear through the dark, the largest glistening with an unearthly light that soothes the eyes. I see a gateway to heaven, a doorway to peace, an entrance to love and happiness and a window to the purest soul that breathes. I see something in the full moon looming in the night sky that no poet or songwriter could describe if they were given eternity to try.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tears and TKAM
An Essay Reflecting on Crying
By Jennifer Carroll
Essay #5
Pine Point School
10/12/10

(TS) Jem Finch and crying don't exactly go hand and hand. (CM) They are polar opposites and before I read the end of Chapter Seven in To Kill A Mockingbird, I would have thought that Jem would rather cut off his nose than cry. (CM) He is such a tough, brutally determined boy, but his tears put him in a softer light, one I'm not exactly sure he would enjoy being seen in. (CS) In the following words you will read, I will speak not only about my thoughts on Jem's tears, but also my thoughts on crying itself.
(TS) Crying is a part of human nature. (CM) Everyone has cried over a broken toy, a lost opportunity or love, a death, and even tears of joy sometimes escape us. (CM) Tears show a range of emotion in us, that something has touched our souls, for better or worse. (SD) When Jem, in To Kill A Mockingbird, comes into the house, Scout immediately knows that he has been crying. (CM) She might've thought this because when he came into the house, his face was streaked and blotchy. (CM) Then again, Scout herself says that she "thought it odd that I had not heard him", so maybe he was doing something else that made his face look like he had been crying. (SD) Seeing Jem cry must have shaken up Scout quite a bit. (CM) Jem is her older, smart and brave brother and she looks up to him more than I think she is aware of herself. (CM) However, Scout is growing into a capable and responsible little girl, so maybe she just felt sad and wanted to help him. (CS) It seems that crying in this time period is looked on as a weakness for boys, so I feel bad for Jem, as he must have been very upset to shed tears.
(TS) Crying is, in my opinion, something that should happen at only the most devastating of times. (CM) I see crying as a type of weakness, although not something to be frowned upon. (CM) I just believe that it is very difficult for someone to view you as a strong individual if you are crying into a tissue in front of them. (SD) For instance, women find it okay to cry, because it is a healthy release of cooped up emotions and comforting in a way. (CM) Men, on the other hand, seem to shy away from crying, looking on it as a weak and shameful thing to do. (CM) Automatically, this leads to history making men look strong and brave in the face of a crisis and women as people whose eyes should be shielded from the world because it could upset them. (SD) I have only seen my mother cry once. (CM) My mom was in the car taking us to school and she was arguing with my brother about his gaming on weekdays, which my dad had agreed to behind her back. (CM) I looked up during a particularly loud bit, and noticed that her eyes were shiny and wet. (CM) I am ashamed to say that I tried to ignore it and, as her voice hitched,  I buried myself in my book hoping that it wasn't happening and that everything was still normal. (CS) That happening with my mother just made my view on crying sharper and more in focus, because it didn't gain her any ground and if I cry, it doesn't gain me any either.
(TS) Jem is nothing but a stalwart and brave boy, and his tears only add to bravery in a way that I'm not sure the strongest bodybuilder could understand. (CM) He may consider them a weakness, and I too think that tears should avoided when possible, but his make him seem younger and more how he should be at his age. (CM) In To Kill A Mockingbird, young people seem that they would rather die then be seen crying, especially boys, and I don't think that it is healthy for them. (CS) Jem's tears make him look like the boy he should be and not the man he tries to be, but I still believe that crying is, while natural and healthy, something that should not be strived for.


Summary: I don't really think that this is one of my better essays. For one, I think that my concluding paragraph is confusing and that I ramble a little. I keep trying to improve my concluding paragraphs and shall continue to do so. I do like my first body paragraph though, because I think that it has some great describing words and that I voice my ideas clearly and smoothly. I would give myself a B- for this essay.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Line Between Fun and Disrespect:
An Essay Examining the Treatment of Boo Radly 
By Jennifer Carroll
8th Grade English
Pine Point School
October 5, 2010


         (TS) Boo Radly is a creature steeped in mystery and horror to the small town of Maycomb County. Raised off of legends and stories, children can be expected to be curious and frightened of the Radly house and of Boo himself. Listening eagerly to gossip, making up games to play about the family, saying that their pecans were poisoned and that Boo ate raw animals, some might go a little beyond curious and fancy themselves daring adventurers. They invade his privacy but always stay at a safe distance, where Scout, Jem and Dill go beyond privacy invasion and straight on to disrespect.
        (TS) Maycomb is a small town, where everybody knows the secrets and misdoings of neighbors. (CM) Boo Radly is a topic of heated discussion among gossips and an object of horror and terror for the children. (CM) The tales they tell, from poisoned pecans to eating raw animals has put him in a dark light for some. (SD) Dill has a borderline obsession with poor Boo and is relentless in his plans for seeing him. (CM) Jem and Scout are party to this but Dill is obviously the main source behind the ideas and staring.(CM) At first it was a game, something to boast about and laugh at in later times, but now has become more of a hunt to Dill, with Boo the prize and the prey. (SD) The insolence that Dill, Jem and Scout are showing this poor man is staggering. (CM) They are acting like tiny stalkers, frenzied in their search for a glimpse of the mysterious Boo Radly. (CM)Peeking into his windows, sneaking into his property, daring each other to touch his house...they show no deference or anything but contempt for his privacy. (CS) Treating a persons life as a toy to whittle away long hours and boredom is disgusting and I am ashamed of them for acting this way.
        (TS) Boo is a human being. He is strange, bizarre and possibly mentally challenged but he is not a monster or a devil of any kind. He deserves to be treated with respect and people should oblige his obvious wishes to be left alone. Scout, Jem and Dill are being cruel and mean to this poor man, no matter how mysterious he is.


Self Assessment: I like this essay because I think I was descriptive and followed the instructions well. I don't really like my chunk on Dill and I think that my concluding paragraph could be better, but I am working on that. I would give myself a B- for this essay.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

                                                                    Lion Heart
                                       A Metaphoric Essay Describing Myself as a Lion
                                                               By Jennifer Carroll
                                                                  English Class
                                                               Pine Point School
                                                                 October 4, 2010
    The definition of a lion, according to Webster is, "a large, usually tawny-yellow cat, Panthera leo,    native to Africa and southern Asia, having a tufted tail and, in the male, a large mane." This blandly informative statement captures nothing more than a quick sketch of the creature. It does not tell of the calculating amber eyes, the strong muscles beneath the tawny-yellow fur, or of the big heart beneath it all, pumping fiercely away, full of life, pride and cunning. The same thing can be said for me, Jennifer Carroll, 14 year old girl with blond hair and a liking for candy. 
     (TS) Lions are famed hunters, ferocious fighters and often called the noblest cats in the food chain. (CM) I liken myself to these majestic creatures because they are proud, aloof animals. (CM) The videos shown of them hunting down their prey demand my attention and I love how when the hunt is over, they seem almost smug, uncaring of any other beings troubles. (SD) Their golden fur and thick tangled manes remind me of my own blond hair a lot. (CM) Whenever I see pictures of them on TV or in magazines and books, the detail that draws my eye to them has always been their spectacular flaxen fur. (CM) That has always been the same with me; people who are don't know my name and try to describe me to others always say, "She has blond hair..." first and foremost. (SD) Also, their readiness to fight for honor makes me think of myself. (CM) Lions always are prepared for battle and the smallest grievances and don't have a calm temper. (CM) Whenever I think I've been wronged my first instinct is to jump up and start swinging. (SD) Another thing that makes me think of lions when I'm glancing in a mirror is the stride and instinct. (CM) Lions walk stealthily, with a grace and arrogance that hunting demands and when I'm trying to be quiet or sneak up on someone, I find myself slipping into a similar gait. (CM) This and the fact that I have cat like intuition and tend to turn violent when upset makes me, in my eyes, similar to the King of the Jungle. (CS) Lions are wonderfully brazen and dangerous cats and the fact that I can find all these similarities between them and myself makes me almost absurdly happy.
  The second definition in Webster for lion is, "a man of great strength, courage, etc." I don't know so much about a man, but I feel that this description from Webster fits me perfectly.  One Webster definition describes the big cat, so powerful underneath the Savannah sun, while the other describes the blonde girl from Connecticut, nowhere near the sun in the winter. Both of us, while different in form, power and blood, share the same mind and soul, angry yet able to relax and be happy and fierce in the way that we would fight to the death for those we love.

Self Assesment: I would give myself a B for this essay. I really like my opening paragraph because I feel that it is descriptive and catchy. I think my closing paragraph is weak because the last chunk doesn't seem to fit well with the rest. I don't like the concluding sentence but I'm working on those to make them more interesting and complete.