Introduction

Dear Reader,

            Being as you are likely a human and in the process of aging, I feel I should explain to you the meaning and topic of my essay. It is about being human and aging. No doubt you are already quite familiar with the concepts yourself, being human and constantly growing older, but I feel that if aliens from some far away planet ever happen upon this and decide to read, they should have the background information first. Humans grow older every millisecond. It is impossible to not grow older, even when you are dead you still age. Probably. Not being dead, I don’t have that knowledge on a first hand basis, but it is an educated guess on my part that the dead still age.  Growing up however, is not just about a humans body maturing, but also a persons mind. When we are born, we have undeveloped brains beyond the basic necessities for survival, like eating, sleeping and breathing. As we grow, our brains grow with us, learning new things and becoming stronger and more developed. Therefore, this multi-genre essay is about human aging, but also touches the delicate subject of maturing. Enjoy the essay.

                                                            Sincerely,

                                                                        Jennifer Carroll

Text messages between Romeo and Juliet

My dear Juliet,

Ah, my love! I write this to you with hopes that it finds you well and relatively happy. How I long to be with you! To see the sun rise above the gray sheeted clouds and watch the golden rays fall softly on the slumbering homes of fair Verona. To listen to the sweet melodies of the lovely birds that sing in yonder pomegranate tree. Those birds, they are no comparison to your own loveliness though. You are the envy of the heavens.

Romeo

Romeo,

            I’m not talking to you.

- Juliet

Juliet,

            Why ever not?

-Romeo

Romeo,

           

            Oh, don’t even try that game! You know what!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Okay, actually, no, I DON’T know what. Why do you always think that everyone somehow knows exactly what you’re talking about ALL THE TIME?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Baby, you killed my cousin! You know how close we were! Why would you do that?

-Juliet

Juliet,

            It was just a little killing. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            :(

-Juliet

Juliet,

           

            Ok, I’m sorry. Are you happy now?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Well… OK! So, how about our wedding? I was thinking a minimum of oh, say, three hundred guests, and lots of white with gold accents. And we could talk to the friar and see what kinds of flowers go best with white and gold!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Uh… you do realize that since I killed Tybalt, I’m technically banished from Verona. Plus, our families hate each other. So, we would probably be killed before we even got the news of our engagement out for five minutes.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Yes… I didn’t think of that. Hmmm….

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Ok, lets pretend that we’re older than our teenage years. We are mature and we are reasonable. We live nice respectable lives, and have reputations for behaving wisely. What do we do?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Run screaming from you and marry Paris.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Run screaming from you and try to woo Rosalyn again.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            This is depressing.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Yeah, I’m not a fan of trying to mature.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            I know what to do!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            What?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Well, right now, being the moody and angst-ridden teenagers in love that we are, we are relatively depressed at the moment. So, let’s commit suicide together!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            OMG! That’s perfect! OK, I’ll bring the poison. Where do you want to meet?

-Romeo

Romeo,

Ick, poison? I want to do it more dramatically… I know! Let’s stab ourselves!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            You can stab yourself, but I want poison because there’s less of a mess to clean up after.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Yeah, good point… I’m still stabbing myself though.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Fine.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Fine.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Ok, gtg. Ttyl.*

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Bye,  I love you!

-Juliet

* gtg = got to go. Ttyl = talk to you later. Slang commonly used in text messaging

Eulogy: Childhood

If maturity had never happened, if growing up had never existed, childhood would still be here. I would still be able to laugh freely, lightheartedly, no troubles or burdens affecting me. I would still speak in innocent tones; I would revel and cavort in the simplicity of everyday life and find something ordinary wonderful and magical, simply by imagination flaring inside me. Childhood was a precious time and time that will always be in my heart. How I wish sometimes, that I could go back to those happy, joy-filled days where a brown, mossy stick could be a gleaming silver sword and a leaf-covered clearing in the woods could a fairy’s gilded ballroom. However, if I had stayed in childhood forever, if I had never left the realm of make believe that all children live in, how could I have experienced the things I have and the things I look forward to? I would never have kissed a boy, or driven a car or talked until midnight with my best friend. I would not have felt the excitement of an A on my math exam, or the jolt in my stomach when my crush looked at me. I would not have felt the pain of a pet dying, or the sadness of friends becoming enemies and the joy of enemies becoming friends. I would not feel the increasing nervousness as the prospect of high school looms ever so menacingly on the horizon. These emotions and experiences are things that I would never give up, not for anything, now that I have experienced them. Childhood, I will miss you dearly, but all good things cannot last forever. I can only treasure the beloved memories I have of you, and look forward, to the future.

                                                                        - Jenn

WANTED

DEAD OR ALIVE

Peter Pan

For excessive refusal to grow up

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 5 feet, five inches (5’5)

Hair: Dark brown, short

Eyes: Brown

Age: Unknown, considered a minor by popular society

Gender: Male

Distinguishing marks: Often wears a uniform, green tunic, green leggings, green hat with red feather.

KNOWN ASSOCIATES:

Tinker Bell: Female, around six or seven inches tall, blond hair, green eyes. Reported to have wings. Considered dangerous, approach with caution.

Wendy Darling: Female, approximately twelve years of age, light brown hair, blue eyes. Last reported to wearing a blue nightgown and having a blue ribbon in hair. Not considered a threat.

John Darling: Male, assumed to be ten years of age. Black hair, brown eyes. Often seen wearing a top hat, nightshirt and carrying a small, black umbrella. Reported to be extremely intelligent. Not considered a threat.

Michael Darling: Male, four years in age. Brown hair, brown eyes. Last seen wearing a pink pajama set with feet. Carries a small teddy bear. Not considered a threat.

The Lost Boys

Tootles: Reported to be wearing animal fur, approximate age unknown. Minor.

Nibs: Reported to be wearing animal fur, age unknown. Minor.

Slightly: Reported to be wearing animal fur, age unknown. Minor.

Cubby: Reported to be wearing animal fur, age unknown. Considered to be overweight. Minor

The Twins: Reported to be wearing animal fur. Inseparable. Age unknown; they are minors.

ATTENTION!

The Lost Boys are considered to be extremely dangerous.

DO NOT APPROACH.

Should you see Peter Pan or any of his known companions, DO NOT APPROACH. Call the number shown at the bottom of the poster. Thank you for your cooperation.

Signed,

Captain M. J. Hook

Captain of the Hunt for the Notorious Peter Pan, Scourge of the Adults of the World.

And, the good ship, the Jolly Roger.

860-510-8992 or 527-895-4001

Growing Up PROVEN To Erase Wrinkles!
Inside: A Dermatologists Confession!

By Lisa LaRue

Have you always thought that the more you grow up, the more unsightly wrinkles and age spots you’ll get? WRONG! In this shocking interview with dermatologist Megan Staley, you’ll discover the best kept secret in the world… REVEALED!

My interview with Dr. Staley started off with us sipping raspberry tea on the porch of her Norwegian summer home, watching the goats frolic below us in the grassy fields. After a few easy questions to warm her up, I posed the million-dollar question, “ So Megan, what is the key to youthful looking skin? Women all across America want to know how every one of your clients come away with that desirable freshness to their face.”
She laughed, snow white teeth gleaming,” Why Lisa! You want me to give away all my trade secrets! I’d be out of a job.” I smiled, and then asked again.
She looked nervous, “It’s all thanks to my Super Moisturizer/ Sun block 1200-“
I cut her off,” Yes, we all know the story, Megan, but that’s not the truth.”
Dr. Staley sighed,” Well. I guess the truth had to come out sometime,” she remarked wryly.
I leaned in closer, my delicious raspberry tea forgotten as I prepared to hear the greatest Hollywood secret since Botox.
In hushed tones, she told me the whole story,” Ten years ago, I looked terrible. I had blotchy and irritated skin, thousands of wrinkles and age spots and basically, looked twenty years older than I was. I just kept buying all of the over the counter drugs meant to improve skin. I tried all of the options out there, everything under the sun. I even flew to China to talk with an old Tibetan monk who had lived two hundred and fifty years, and looked like he was thirty. Of course two days after visiting with him, I discovered he actually was thirty,” She sighed. “ It was a disappointment, but life goes on. Finally, I figured out the secret. I mean, I must’ve, otherwise how would I have skin like this?” She remarked, touching her flawless cheek and chuckling. Breathlessly, I waited, pen poised over my paper, waiting to scribble down what was sure to follow.
Dr. Megan Staley took a deep breath and then whispered,” The secret is growing up!”
Taken aback, I blinked. Before I could protest however, the good doctor quickly elaborated,” You see, I was trying so hard to remain youthful looking; I ended up looking older than I was. Cheesy make-up and dangerous wrinkle fillers that you see advertised on T.V only make it more obvious that a person is aging. If you want to look young, you have to accept your age first. You need to grow up, not try to be twenty again!” She sat back, preening and then added,” Just grow up and mature some, and I guarantee that you’ll be looking half your age before the month is out.” She winked,” But my moisturizer helps too!”

So, good citizens of America, there you have it. The secret to looking young is growing up and accepting your age! Just remember my name, Lisa LaRue, whenever you want to discover the truth about something, whatever it is! Right now, you can reach me with questions and comments at the website superstartabloids@comcast.net.

By Lisa LaRue, Star Reporter for the National Enquirer… we inquire for the nation!