Text messages between Romeo and Juliet

My dear Juliet,

Ah, my love! I write this to you with hopes that it finds you well and relatively happy. How I long to be with you! To see the sun rise above the gray sheeted clouds and watch the golden rays fall softly on the slumbering homes of fair Verona. To listen to the sweet melodies of the lovely birds that sing in yonder pomegranate tree. Those birds, they are no comparison to your own loveliness though. You are the envy of the heavens.

Romeo

Romeo,

            I’m not talking to you.

- Juliet

Juliet,

            Why ever not?

-Romeo

Romeo,

           

            Oh, don’t even try that game! You know what!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Okay, actually, no, I DON’T know what. Why do you always think that everyone somehow knows exactly what you’re talking about ALL THE TIME?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Baby, you killed my cousin! You know how close we were! Why would you do that?

-Juliet

Juliet,

            It was just a little killing. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            :(

-Juliet

Juliet,

           

            Ok, I’m sorry. Are you happy now?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Well… OK! So, how about our wedding? I was thinking a minimum of oh, say, three hundred guests, and lots of white with gold accents. And we could talk to the friar and see what kinds of flowers go best with white and gold!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Uh… you do realize that since I killed Tybalt, I’m technically banished from Verona. Plus, our families hate each other. So, we would probably be killed before we even got the news of our engagement out for five minutes.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Yes… I didn’t think of that. Hmmm….

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Ok, lets pretend that we’re older than our teenage years. We are mature and we are reasonable. We live nice respectable lives, and have reputations for behaving wisely. What do we do?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Run screaming from you and marry Paris.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Run screaming from you and try to woo Rosalyn again.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            This is depressing.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Yeah, I’m not a fan of trying to mature.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            I know what to do!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            What?

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Well, right now, being the moody and angst-ridden teenagers in love that we are, we are relatively depressed at the moment. So, let’s commit suicide together!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            OMG! That’s perfect! OK, I’ll bring the poison. Where do you want to meet?

-Romeo

Romeo,

Ick, poison? I want to do it more dramatically… I know! Let’s stab ourselves!

-Juliet

Juliet,

            You can stab yourself, but I want poison because there’s less of a mess to clean up after.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Yeah, good point… I’m still stabbing myself though.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Fine.

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Fine.

-Juliet

Juliet,

            Ok, gtg. Ttyl.*

-Romeo

Romeo,

            Bye,  I love you!

-Juliet

* gtg = got to go. Ttyl = talk to you later. Slang commonly used in text messaging